Misfit Heart
Twilight Theater

Surprising “Change” inspiration

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Summer is mostly over in the northern hemisphere, and even though nothing much has concretely happened, a lot has, like a hammer banging on my head and shouting: when are you gonna get this? The most important and overshadowing the rest has been this overwhelming feeling growing steadily every time my husband smiled at me. He has given me so much strength lately just by smiling at me that way, that I can now look at the future with completely new eyes. It is pretty cool, you should try it.

Change – One of the songs that brought me peace

I should say this, although the lyrics of the song are very powerful indeed, and have pushed me to reflect on the human condition once again – a neverending train of thoughts, as it is – I cannot help but bring things back to myself… remember what Jane Austen could have said about artists (self-absorbed).

Every morning, as I drive to work, this song plays: “Change” by Poets of the Fall. In the song, Marko sings the chorus below:

How I wish you’d only see
How your own choices make your dream
Come out shining true before it can leave you
I wish that you could see
How your own choices make your dream
Come out shining true all around you

At first, I was singing along in the car (quite out of tune I must confess) but I barely registered the meaning behind the words. I know, weird, right. Gradually though, the chorus caught my attention and I asked myself, wait a minute… what did he say? I pondered about the choices that I have made so far, but I was quite unable to pinpoint the dreams coming out of their hiding place; I did not give up, however, and the more I thought about it, the clearer everything started to appear. Added to the impact of such words, the musicians themselves, during the interview recorded for their DVD Live in Moscow 2013, kind of shook my mind to bring forth the fighting spirit I believed to be gone. Well, ok, not gone forever, but muted by my exhaustion. In other words, never believe the beliefs, they are only there to confuse you… but do believe in yourself… the only belief worth your time.

On “Art as a living”

Jani said: “This uncertainty that is often associated with music as a profession, – it’s the same thing with any other creative job. Write books, paint pictures, become an actor or something else, – a steady income can never be guaranteed.Captain continues with his own experience: “I never went to an art high school or similar, – and I always felt like the other guys just didn’t quite get it. But it didn’t hold me back in any way, perhaps only made it clearer that this is what I want to do.” Adding these thoughts to what the song’s chorus started to wake up inside me, I had one of my famous “a-ha!” moments, like a bright light finally switching on in my head and lighting the true path in front of me… and the lights are still on!

Bright dream

I don’t need any confirmation that I am on the right path, but it is somehow very reassuring  and comforting to be able to relate to the experience of others – on some levels at least – who are actually living their dreams. If they made it, why can’t I? or something like that. My dream is not to make a living as an author, I realised that recently, and it’s ok. I am writing for myself and whatever happens through that, only time can tell. No, my dream is to make a living out of words, which is quite different. I love words and more precisely, languages. I do not speak many of them, only three, but I do enjoy translating, proofreading, revising and transcribing so that the words are used the proper way to communicate faithfully what their authors intended. Just like the Captain though, I have not studied them in school, nor have I learnt the craft on the whats and what-nots. I’ve never followed the formal paths for anything I am passionate about; I’ve only experimented and taught myself along the way. I guess it is precisely for that reason that my dream shines so bright and true nowadays.

I am 40 years old, soon 41, and all the trials, the walls and hidrances have brought me in front of my own universal truth that it is never too late. I won’t start now doing things like everybody else… but I’ll do what I want and dream to do, no matter what. “Nothing is constant except change!”

What about you? How’s your dream doing?

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