A dear friend of mine just reminded me of something rather important that I tend to forget, or just indulge out of old habit. She said: “Never doubt your writing, you write beautifully.” Heart warming, isn’t it, to have a friend believing in your art that much. I am well aware that she is not the only one believing that way; I also know that I have a hard time with an average judgement when it is not supported by valid and constructive arguments… at the same time, the same friend told me to “forget them”… so this is me doing just that since, after all, one cannot be liked by everybody ?.
Anyhow, episode 4 revolves around Revolution Roulette, Poets of the Fall‘s third album. I have to admit, it took me a while to get my head – ears – around this album… at first, I only listened to the two ballads… then I started reading the lyrics, no music… and little by little, every time I fell in love with the words, I added the music and Revolution Roulette started to take roots deep in my heart. It is now steadily anchored there and it won’t budge anymore. But, where are my manners…
…before we start – let’s find you some poetry
Unlike the previous posts, I will not post an excerpt of a poem… mostly because the one I have chosen might become misinterpreted if I only share a few verses of it… so without further ado, I give you:
On the edge
This is the end of it all,
Standing on the edge,
Crushed and misjudged,
I am ready to jump
Although my story
Isn’t finished yet.
I have looked through
Lines of wondering;
And sought your
Lines of thoughts.
In front of the mirror
That are your eyes
Endless puzzles did I set up,
For us to solve.
I hate that thing
That you do:
Shake your head
And roll your eyes…
I believed we’d go on,
Hand in hand
And all the way,
Through the bumps
And the chaos.
Though all the way
You do not wish
To go with me.
Who cares really if yet
Our story isn’t done?
I am ready to jump
Crushed and misjudged
On the edge I stand.
This is my end
As I roll down
In the trash can.
© 2017 – Claire Perez Ekman – 2011 – Disconnected
I believe that this poem is fitting to how Revolution Roulette makes me feel, or rather how it manages to speak to me on a level that not many people can… who would have guessed, right?! The quotes I picked from RR are not only talking to me, some of them are defining a part of me and kind of pushed me towards an even darker place that I never dared to visit… do you know what I found out though? How bright it was! Funnily enough, I do not like all the songs on Revolution Roulette… what a shocker, right! and omg… how can she write that without shame… oh, alright, hold your horses my friends… I said I do not like all the songs, but I do like all the lyrics. Is that better? Now you have it, I am a word worm. But yes, RR made me realise that the darkest of my darkness was actually extra bright. Now, figuring out what it means could be a bit disturbing. Especially if you think that because this darkness is so bright, it might mean that my heart is rotten therefore evil… ?? or even better, that I am in fact a total psycho… or you know, that kind of things. Rest assure that it is not it! It only means that it is not as dark as I thought it was and therefore, there was no reason to be afraid to visit in the first place… How could Revolution Roulette bring me to such realisation? Well, it is the first time I ask myself the question, so let’s try and find out together, shall we.
//One more thing, there is a colour code (at least you might see both in a future episode) and before you ask, you don’t need me to tell you what it means, you’ll figure it out ?//
(Poet of the Fall – The Forward Quotes – RR)
- More: “What do you give someone who has it all”
- The Ultimate Fling: “Cos I’m out of cheeks to turn the other way”
- Revolution Roulette: “Losing myself in this place, soon I’m gone without a trace”
- Psychosis: “Revelation leading to my psychosis and inspiration”
- Fragile: “Waiting to finally be set free”
- Clevermind: “Time isn’t made for waiting
Past isn’t worth debating”
- Miss Impossible: “Sundown to sundown, like she was washing ‘way her pain”
- Diamonds for Tears: “Reality’s so daunting, and I’ve got no way to explain”
- Passion Colors Everything: “I have a mind for simple things, but things are not of mind to simplify”
- Save Me: “I was told I’d see my ally
Who are these skeletons with guns taking aim
- Where Do We Draw the Line: “Make poetry nobody’s ever heard”
Now, just like the other episodes, I won’t stay on all the quotes from the list above… although, it is very tempting ? This being said, it still amazes me how accurate these lines are… both in relation to my beliefs, to who I am, to the struggles I have been through and those I thought over but still linger on close enough to keep me on the edge. Funny!
Each and every line is somehow a defining moment in my life… from Save Me which actually made me realise how unwell I was a few years back; or the verse from Where do we draw the line, a noble goal I might never reach but I’ll never cease to try; the ones from Clevermind inspiring my own words and these words are driving me nuts, because from the simplest ideas I have a puzzle entangled in my fingers, thoughts and dreams which is perfectly summed up by the lines from Passion Colors Everything. Even a couple of days ago, as I was wandering uselessly on social medias, and read horrible things and wanted to talk about it to feel better, I heard that line from Diamonds for Tears. It took me a little while, but I felt a smidge better. The impact of these words does not have to be big to make a difference, and yet it always does.
Poets of the Fall words are everywhere and in everything that I do… I don’t obsess about it, but it just strikes me sometimes that’s all. It is probably not a quality unique to our six favourite Finn, however, their way is the one talking to me. This makes them unique in my eyes because no matter what these words have helped me go through, or awakened or whatever, I know that they’ll work their magic over and over… and probably on different occasions.
Until next time! ?