Misfit Heart
Signs of Life

POTF – Everything Fades… inspired future

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For the faithful, this is not the repetition of my post from December 11th but rather a sequel. The same phrases have struck me not later than yesterday evening and as I am in a strange state of mind today, I had to do something about these two complementing and compelling events – if I may call them that. It is true that most often than not, we all want what we do not have, or think that the grass is greener on the other side of the road… in my case, it is not so. My dreams keep me going, the love my husband and I have for each other keeps us strong and Poets of the Fall‘s songs are the cherry on the cake, I suppose. What is she jabbering about this time, right? Life… and since I am most acquainted with mine, it is what am blabbering about without restraint.

All I’m saying…

I like to listen to music before going to bed, in the dark, closing my eyes and just listen to the words flowing through… music – of course you should read Poets of the Fall, I’m just saying.  When I am half awake and half floating towards the arms of Morpheus, is the moment when my sensitivity is most alert. It is then I usually hear what I most desperately need to hear without having any conscious notion of it. This happens quite often actually, so I won’t fall short of inspiration any time soon… These are simple enough phrases that could be found in any conversation:

All I’m saying is don’t give up when you’re getting so close
All I’m saying is don’t give up, it’s the right way you chose

We make decisions and then live with them for quite a while, if not all our lives. We tend to second guess as I said in POTF – Everything Fades… inspiration and look back over and over. Sometimes, however, we make decisions that are not entirely up to us to realise. Such decisions are made for… the greater good (even if it is on the smaller scale of our lives). They will ultimately affect our future but the weight of them, when nothing happens as fast as we’d hoped, or as good as we’d planned, or at all, is so heavy to bear that it pushes us to the limit of – dare I write – our sanity. Maybe it is too strong of a word, but right now it is a little bit how I feel. But…

Everything fades away…

Some things are best left unsaid, yet I know I might have said them – or too much – when I should not have… does this make it my fault? Absolutely not! As my husband just said to me, it is a teaching we can take with us on the journey to a better life. Our lives are good, but they always can be a little bit better – I married a wise man, and today he was particularly sharp when he texted me: “Life is a struggle but at least we’re not struggling for life. We’re not giving up…” So, between Poets of the Fall‘s pep talk song that Everything Fades Away is and the wisdom behind my husband words, not to mention again his love, I am well-armed to face any obstacle on the journey we started years ago…

Silhouettes and false leads

Photo from tarja_savolainen Instagram, up to you to find what I am talking about on the vest! I did not find the picture where one can see the warning in its fullest… you’ll have to make do with this one…

I am telling you, it is freaky how accurate this phrase is. I don’t know if the song is about the end of a love story or rather a more general observation of a given situation, but as I unconsciously apply it to my own here and now, it is spooky accurate! Details of my own experience is of no consequence for this post, so I won’t elaborate much… maybe.

Silhouettes and false leads
That which drew you like a crow to glass beads
Secrets spied
Wishes sighed
Everything fades away

The winds of change are finally blowing my way and, as usual, I am as enthusiastic as a child in a candy store. Unsaid promises and promising prospects shone like “glass beads” that turned out to be very sharp when my fingers brushed their tip; I am a talker, I cannot help it – especially when I feel happy, I want the people I care about and trust to share in the joy of the moment. My trust issues had faded drastically a little while ago – or so I thought. They were biding their time, waiting in the dark of my head for the relapse… Yes, they’re back… maybe too soon, and maybe even for no reason at all… still, I have this unpleasant gut-feeling, oh well, “shit happens” (look at Marko’s vest)… be that as it may, I am not known for my patience when it comes to changes that are bound to make me feel better.

Are these just words thrown on a screen for all to see? Am I just all talk? You tell me…

Cos I’m out of cheeks to turn the other way
– from The Ultimate Fling, Revolution Roulette, 2008

What is it that is written on Marko‘s stage vest, under Shit Happens? Ah yes: Warning: I f**** back… it might not be very constructive – nor shouts ME – but yeah, in a nutshell, that’s about how I wish I was and would strive to become…

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