Yours Truly

Last updated: June, 23rd 2018

Citizen of the world, I have a passion for writing – and I love dogs and all animals (except for wasps, mosquitoes, scorpions and spiders… ok, an exception for small spiders, which I always try to save from the vacuum cleaner ?).

If I were a musician, I’d be progressive… as it is, I am a proud Progressive thinker, who writes to breathe… and trust me when I say, I’ve been holding my breath for a long time. I am socially outgoing as long as I get to remain introvert for the main part.

Welcome to my world!

Trivial and silly – nay childish – but right for me. ?

Funny thing this fandom thingy… I always thought that it meant following an artist since the very beginning and acting crazy during concerts, to which I seldom go… At the end of the day though, that’s not it. Once (January 2017), I was praised for being a real Poets of the Fall fan by a perfect stranger… some weeks before that, the same thing happened when I was defined as one of the best Poets of the Fall fans ever on Twitter. I am not bragging… yeah, okay, maybe just a little bit… I may be the age that I am, but this never happened before… you know when I was younger, when I was the appropriate age to care about that kind of stuff… Anyway, I revelled in the joy it brought me that day. I’ve got this renewed and reinforced sense of belonging to a worldwide community dedicated to Poets of the Fall. It might sound trivial and silly – nay childish even – to many, but to me it is important.

I’ve had this with Europe since the eighties, but it was not the same… not really. It was strong and still is, obviously, but something different happened with Poets of the Fall which is very tricky to explain. All I can say is that the music, the lyrics and the philosophy touch me deeply enough for me to pay extra attention and let them push my buttons – in a positive and constructive way.? They are provoking my senses, my thoughts and without hanging on to them, I still find the red thread in their midst and the flow bears me hence forward… hmm, I don’t know where but I believe that it is where I am supposed to go. So, that makes it right for me.

Blogger at times, writer always

For years, I have tried to figure out what blogging meant… I read a lot of tips about dos and don’ts; I bought a boot camp e-book about blogging… you name it, I probably read it. None of it helped. I write because it is fun; because I can; because some say (me included) I am good at it… When I was a younger girl (note the comparative adjective here instead of the simple adjective form) I had a secret diary, you know the one with a key that you hide from everyone because you write your most private and intimate thoughts in it. I had one of those, but it was mostly blank until I decided to use it as a playlists memento. I’d write the songs I should record from the radio onto a cassette. This is what my diary was about… music. So, it is only right that my blog should be inspired by music…

There are so many types of blogs, these days, that it is impossible to keep up with trends and all which is popular. At the same time, I have never been that popular in school and never really wanted to be either… what? yes, “train of thoughts” and association of ideas, never a good match with me. ? Anyway, I have been writing poetry (with two self-published books), started a couple of stories long ago – which I have taken up again in order to publish when they are done – articles on blogs (I had many before Misfit at Heart)… mostly WordPress blogs actually, been a fervent user for about 8-10 years. Yes, I’ve been around, looking for myself in my writing I suppose. I then realised what blogging was to me: it is like keeping a journal really and with that, I can write about whatever I please without having to follow the rules of dos and don’ts. Of course, finding a niche to write about in order to get readers is the cherry on the cake…

My niche has become a growing interest, to say the least, and my journal is Misfit at Heart… I don’t make a living out of blogging, but it beats the odds of turning my back on my creativity.

Progressive thinker

I did blog about something else than Poets of the Fall… like Europe, Kamelot, etc – although this remained the occasional blog post.? But I started out Misfit at Heart as a conduit for my creativity through music quotes, movie quotes, book quotes… etc. In fact, Europe gave me the idea. There was this song from their latest album War of Kings playing in my car (where else?). Yes, of course, it was from Angels (with broken hearts), these phrases just turned my mind upside down… literally, though I won’t say more. It said:

We build our lives
Hopefully the one that we choose
– Europe, Angels (with broken hearts)

So, I went back to my first love… writing about music, my own way. I am far from being a reviewer but I like reading reviews. I mostly disagree with them though, yet again, nobody knows better than I the way I feel when I listen to music. This is how I write about music. Furthermore, since my feelings evolve as I aim to grow as a person – hopefully for the rest of my life, I can write about the same music several times and express different feelings every time (even if there might be the same red thread in the writing). This makes me the self-proclaimed progressive thinker that I am today.

Feelings as one unique creative vision

I love taking pictures, but talk technique of the art, you might as well speak Chinese to me… Actually, I might understand Chinese better, even if I don’t speak nor understand it. I usually take good pictures when I allow myself the time, instead of writing or just being lazy (trust me, I can be that too…). There are different ways to take pictures though, the common way is to use a camera (or nowadays a Smartphone). I found another way and in books, it is called descriptions (I used to loathe them in school, the classic descriptions from Zola and Balzac were my daily nightmares)… strangely, I like to grab pencil and paper to write down a scenery that moves me. It is nothing fancy or memorable, but to me, it is just another way to capture the beauty of what I see.

Despite the snow
The trees are on fire
Throughout the hills
They’re standing still
Like the sea bloodied
By the sunrise and
Looking upon the villagers.
© 19-12-2016 – No lens photos (a new idea just popped up) – Claire Perez Ekman

Feelings are colours to me and more often than not, when I listen to lyrics as I wander I see the words dancing in the sky, telling me their story. When I read, I don’t see images (unless I have watched the movie adaptation of a book)… I see them a little more now, but it is no huge difference… when I read about feelings I see colours; when I read a description of a landscape I feel the impressions of nature on my skin and I smell it ; but the most amazing one is when I read about fire – whatever fire kind it is – I can smell it for a long time even after I’ve closed the book. All this to explain that my creative vision comes first and foremost from my feelings. I call myself oversensitive as a joke, but in truth, I am very fond of it. This does not make me more special than anyone else, but it does make me, ME.?

If I were to pick a song to define the stage of my life right now, I think it would be something between Center Stage and Crystalline. I am getting a clearer view of my life and of who I am every day. Some would say, at your age, it’s about time don’t you think. To which I’d reply – depending on my mood and state of mind – with a smile and a shrug, or with “Talk to the hand, moron!“… not very elegant, but extremely satisfying ?

Do you see how it’s your thoughts come conjuring
Emotions show the world you keep within

A dream’s a deed unsigned
A nameless ghost of yesterday defied
– Poets of the Fall, Center Stage

The meaning you will give your life is up to you no safety guaranteed
But it will be amazing

Past the point of no return
This labyrinth will up and burn
– Poets of the Fall, Crystalline

Finally

To make my self-portrait accurate, and since I told this to a fellow blogger not that long ago with other words, being creative does not always pay the bills – in my case not ever. So to keep my creativity alive, I am following Plan B… nothing special about it, but for the people, I get to meet. Plan A is still an option that could become true at some point, I have to believe that to make Plan B worth the effort. Never giving up on my dreams is what keeps me going through ups and downs, jumping through hoops that I did not choose and dealing with challenges that push me to better myself every day.

In other words, Plan A is still on and very much alive!