Misfit Heart
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Poets of the Fall – A splendid toolbox

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Healing is a long process especially when one has what many call an “invisible illness” such as a “burn-out” (or the better term: exhaustion syndrome disorder).Today, however, I am very proud to say that I have taken yet another giant step towards recovery. There is obviously no finish line but rather a clearer path and vision of where I want to go and who I am. This post is as much about Poets of the Fall as it is about me, yours truly. You see, it doesn’t matter the tools you are using to be healthy again, as long as they work; in my case, Poets of the Fall are the toolbox – a splendid one at that – their music and Marko‘s words – without forgetting his voice and the range of emotions he puts into it – are my tools. Don’t get me wrong, I have other tools but since words are my playground (as my husband told me again a couple of days ago), and Poets of the Fall are kind of my muses, they become a frequent or rather an automatic blog subject to me.

There is an interesting article – translated from Finnish – on the Poet County Jail Fansite – that made me acknowledge that there are so many of us who went through similar life experiences that in the end, we manage to influence each other in more ways than none and end up being, as it is said in the article, a bit “far out” like Marko. This is a great advantage and a strength. After all, this is what makes us grow into the best version of ourselves.

Slight Parenthesis – My Therapy

Before I continue with Poets of the Fall, I’d like to say a few words about another band: Kamelot. Last week, Kamelot asked on their official Facebook page the following question: “What song from Haven is your current mood booster?” to which I answered “My Therapy” without a second thought.

The funny thing about Kamelot is that due to my current situation that I mentioned earlier, my ears and heart cannot stand too much of it at a time. Pity! I know, however, the spirit of the music is embedded in my body. So, when I saw the question my answer became crystal clear at once, because of what “My Therapy” is all about. How the music of, in this case, Kamelot, helps one through whatever tough situation one is in at the moment? So, this song is my mood booster for what it means and how the message is delivered, yet in my own case Poets of the Fall is the band that speaks my language best, therefore they are the ones picking me up when I fall (figuratively speaking) and manage to boost my mood. I started healing better when I could listen to music again, hence “My Therapy“.

Alright, if you understood any of that, kudos and just read on… if not, I do apologize, but read on anyway.

Words are my playground

Words are such fickle visions.
… so pay attention to body language…
said Poets of the Fall

Signs of Life
© 2005 POETS OF THE FALL – Sam Agency Oy – Insomniac

What a challenging thing to say! But then again, I am having a blast playing with words and using them to create double – hidden – meanings. This is mostly true when I write poetry, though. So, what does it mean?How can one pay attention to body language when the words are but just written, only ink on paper, letters on a screen? I guess the body language of a text could be that one has to read between the lines. How about when they are sung then? Could the voice and intonations be the body language? Do you sometimes hear the smile when Marko sings? What about the music itself as body language? Anyway, I guess that any other meaning alluded to by this quote can be experienced in everyday’s life, of course, like when one interacts with others, but I’ll leave this to someone else to discuss.

The expression “fickle visions” is like an “on-switch” in my mind, as soon as I read it or say it out loud, the song “Sleep” starts playing in my head. Who needs playlists in such cases? The mind has such weird settings sometimes.

Raw emotions

In 2013, Marko twitted:

Without silence, there can be no music…

This is another interesting statement. Silence has been my companion for months during my sick leave. When I finally started listening to music again, it took a turn that I did not expect: not only my ears listened but my entire body as well. I suppose that the long silence made my body more receptive to music and with it the emotions coming from the songs – I am mostly talking about Poets of the Fall songs here – I received them as raw emotions, no analysis, no back thoughts, just raw reaction to what I was hearing. In order to illustrate this, I have plenty to choose from, so it is difficult to pick just one, but one of my absolute Poets of the Fall‘s songs is “The Ballad of Jeremiah Peacekeeper“, here is a live version:

Splendid toolbox

Now, I’ve got to hurry for this is becoming a rather long post, and pretty much not what I had in mind to write from the beginning. What did Marko say about his writing process? – Below, a transcript from the Facebook’s live session with Marko and Olli on August, 7th

“[…] For me writing can sometimes be very intuitive so that I just write stuff and then later on I go like, the same as you guys, you read them you go like wow this probably means something like this, for me it can be like that as well. And sometimes, it can also be that I really really think about it and take a long time to actually write it and I have so many thoughts that from one song you know there are, you know, spin-offs from that song which turn out to be other songs […]” – Marko Saaresto

While Marko’s thoughts get him to write spin-offs of a song, my thoughts are often so entangled that the task of undoing the knots is pretty tedious. My thoughts are popping up most of the time when I listen to Poets of the Fall and a couple of days ago, it happened in a weird and challenging way. I have created this playlist especially for the car, so there are no ballads on it. If I remember correctly, one of the songs that got me into this whirling thinking mode was “Dying to Live“. It starts like this:

Tell me this, would you miss it, trying on another face again to see if it’s you
N’ wondering where you’ve been and where you’re gonna find yourself before the night is through

This is such a nice sum-up of what I have been going through, not only during my sick-leave but also during most of my life: looking for myself, defining who I was and where I wanted to go. The next one got me pondering a while especially the last part of the quote, I did not get to over-analyze, however, I suddenly saw this clear picture of myself standing tall and proud in front of the mirror. Don’t ask!

What’s the deal with your reasons to run away and let your feelings leave you undefined

Anyway, I never ran away, or maybe I did mostly from myself – which might actually be the meaning intended in the song – but above all, I hid from the world. As I listened to this the other day, it showed me how much I had accomplished for myself and how much I had grown into the person that I am. I told myself, before another song started, “Look at what you did! Isn’t it cool?”

After this, songs like “Save me“, “Drama for Life” or “Gravity” played and triggered uncontrollable thoughts that I have a hard time recalling now that a few days have passed. All in all, I have a splendid toolbox at my disposal to reflect on where I’ve been, where I am and where I’ll go – in case I cannot do it on my own. Something is certain, as long as my thoughts and emotions are challenged that way, I’ll remain sane.

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